Self-care is a concept I picked up in SLAA. Before that, it was really not on my radar. Sure, I treated myself to stuff, but mostly these were mostly of the "guilty pleasure" variety -- literally. I felt guilty, as if I was doing something wrong. Often it involved spending money I didn't have. Somewhere along the way I acquired the belief that I should be living austerely, with only the bare necessities. Anything that was purely for pleasure - even fun with friends - was somehow bad. I felt my parents disapproved, that they believed I didn't deserve it.
Now self-care is my main method of soothing myself. It is not always about physical needs but also spiritual. I see self-care as connecting to my higher power. It's a moment in which I value myself, my body and my soul, regardless of the circumstances I am in. I am affirming that I am worth it.
I have learnt to say 'no thanks' to certain thoughts that bring me sadness or anxiety, like turning down another cup of coffee when I have already had too many. Embarking on these fantasies or indulging my fears could lead to me feeling unwell for the rest of the day, and I don't want that. I am surprised I learnt how to do this because before my thoughts were not something I could control. They ruled me, attacking and torturing me at random. I was entirely defenceless.
But now I can choose not to go down that route, and the more I practise, the better I get at it. When a bad though hits me, I think: "I really don't feel like feeling this bad today. I can always revisit this thought later." I don't slap the thought down or dismiss it -- it has a good reason for being there. I deserve compassion and understanding for having such thoughts and whatever led to them. But right now is not the time to let them dominate. And then I think or do something else.
Of course I had to reach a decent level of stability before doing this regularly, but I believe it has helped me not to slip back. Entertaining those thoughts makes me more unwell, and I have little to gain from turning them over again. Sometimes I have to think about difficult and distressing topics of course.
Now self-care is my main method of soothing myself. It is not always about physical needs but also spiritual. I see self-care as connecting to my higher power. It's a moment in which I value myself, my body and my soul, regardless of the circumstances I am in. I am affirming that I am worth it.
I have learnt to say 'no thanks' to certain thoughts that bring me sadness or anxiety, like turning down another cup of coffee when I have already had too many. Embarking on these fantasies or indulging my fears could lead to me feeling unwell for the rest of the day, and I don't want that. I am surprised I learnt how to do this because before my thoughts were not something I could control. They ruled me, attacking and torturing me at random. I was entirely defenceless.
But now I can choose not to go down that route, and the more I practise, the better I get at it. When a bad though hits me, I think: "I really don't feel like feeling this bad today. I can always revisit this thought later." I don't slap the thought down or dismiss it -- it has a good reason for being there. I deserve compassion and understanding for having such thoughts and whatever led to them. But right now is not the time to let them dominate. And then I think or do something else.
Of course I had to reach a decent level of stability before doing this regularly, but I believe it has helped me not to slip back. Entertaining those thoughts makes me more unwell, and I have little to gain from turning them over again. Sometimes I have to think about difficult and distressing topics of course.
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