I know there are many strong opinions out there on the field of psychiatry, so I wanted to write down my own experience of being treated by a psychiatrist. For me there have been some crucial benefits (so far at least, 18 months in) as well as some downsides, and I want to give an accurate, balanced picture. Of course my experience is just that - my experience. It is not proof of anything either way and it's as valid (or insignificant) as any other individual's experience.
I came by my psychiatrist, a woman in her early 60s, by way of a counsellor who thought I should have a full psychiatric assessment. I was highly functioning but really, really unwell at the time. I was working full-time, caring for my toddler on my own, running around 60 km a week, running our little household. But my mood swings were wild, my anxiety was through the roof, my urge to self-harm and suicidal thoughts growing stronger by the day and I felt I was going to explode. I was frightened of my threatening ex, frightened of men in the street, freaked out by loud noises or people shouting (especially at their kids), barely able to be around my mother but also desperately in need of her help, and I was in a mostly imagined, long-distance addictive relationship. Nightmares, night sweats, intrusive thoughts and memories that I found incredibly distressing. It was not a fun time.
When I went to the psychiatrist for the first time, she immediately suggested I be hospitalised. But I resisted - it seemed to me that I was not only functioning but excelling at it. Working, cooking, cleaning, playing...I was doing it all, and clinging to it like a life raft. It took her about three months to convince me that I did need to be hospitalised. When I finally relented, this step turned out to be a game changer for me.
Her reasoning for hospitalisation was that she felt I needed intensive therapy and to be in a safe environment because I was suicidal and self-harming. In addition, as an inpatient, I would be able to ramp up the medication much more quickly than if I was on the outside and not constantly monitored. This turned out to be true. We eventually settled on a combination of lithium and Venlaxine. I am aware of the withdrawal issues with these drugs, I have had a taste of them when I have run out, especially the Venlafaxine. But when I began taking them these drugs coincided with a major turning point for me. I don't think the medication brought this about by itself, although I do think the pills zapped most of the intrusive memories as well as the urge to self-harm. I came out of my worst distress and began to work on my recovery.
Her decision to put me into hospital also exposed me to different types of help I could get, including SLAA. Along with my therapist, my psychiatrist actively encouraged me to go to SLAA and she still does. She was also supportive when I wanted to change therapists (twice in a row), until I settled on my current one. My treatment became and continues to be a multi-pronged approach: medication, therapy, SLAA, self-help. It has worked very well so far.
On the negative side, I had a few run-ins with her which made me extremely upset on a few occasions. This mainly revolved around the abuse my ex - I felt she wasn't taking me seriously enough and this made me feel unsafe. If she didn't understand, what chance did I have with the rest of the world? In retrospect I think she was trying things out, testing me a bit to see if I was ready to let go of my fear, but I just saw a repetition of what happened to me with my mother, who was ambivalent about the issue and who held strong sympathies for my husband in spite of what he had done to me. This along with other experiences had made me extremely sensitive. One therapist (whom I promptly ditched) even suggested the abuse was my husband and my "way of having sex". That pushed me over the edge for a few days.
Anyway, I found my psychiatrist's attempts to talk more deeply to me about my emotions and problems pretty hopeless. I felt she was old-fashioned and while I could just ignore her advice on good days, on my bad days it made me really angry. I wanted her to just do what she seemed to do best: explore my symptoms and how they were developing, keep track of my overall treatment and tweak and manage my medication. This is pretty much what we have settled on, and I have gone from seeing her once a week to once a month. I know her much better now than I did at the beginning and I trust her a lot now as a person and as a doctor (with a very specific brief, as I see it). She got my whole recovery on the road and made sure it consisted of several elements.
Perhaps I am lucky with her but I also think it helped that I did not have to rely on her at all for emotional support - this would have been a disaster.
I would be interested to hear other people's experiences! Have a good weekend.
Rosamunde
I came by my psychiatrist, a woman in her early 60s, by way of a counsellor who thought I should have a full psychiatric assessment. I was highly functioning but really, really unwell at the time. I was working full-time, caring for my toddler on my own, running around 60 km a week, running our little household. But my mood swings were wild, my anxiety was through the roof, my urge to self-harm and suicidal thoughts growing stronger by the day and I felt I was going to explode. I was frightened of my threatening ex, frightened of men in the street, freaked out by loud noises or people shouting (especially at their kids), barely able to be around my mother but also desperately in need of her help, and I was in a mostly imagined, long-distance addictive relationship. Nightmares, night sweats, intrusive thoughts and memories that I found incredibly distressing. It was not a fun time.
When I went to the psychiatrist for the first time, she immediately suggested I be hospitalised. But I resisted - it seemed to me that I was not only functioning but excelling at it. Working, cooking, cleaning, playing...I was doing it all, and clinging to it like a life raft. It took her about three months to convince me that I did need to be hospitalised. When I finally relented, this step turned out to be a game changer for me.
Her reasoning for hospitalisation was that she felt I needed intensive therapy and to be in a safe environment because I was suicidal and self-harming. In addition, as an inpatient, I would be able to ramp up the medication much more quickly than if I was on the outside and not constantly monitored. This turned out to be true. We eventually settled on a combination of lithium and Venlaxine. I am aware of the withdrawal issues with these drugs, I have had a taste of them when I have run out, especially the Venlafaxine. But when I began taking them these drugs coincided with a major turning point for me. I don't think the medication brought this about by itself, although I do think the pills zapped most of the intrusive memories as well as the urge to self-harm. I came out of my worst distress and began to work on my recovery.
Her decision to put me into hospital also exposed me to different types of help I could get, including SLAA. Along with my therapist, my psychiatrist actively encouraged me to go to SLAA and she still does. She was also supportive when I wanted to change therapists (twice in a row), until I settled on my current one. My treatment became and continues to be a multi-pronged approach: medication, therapy, SLAA, self-help. It has worked very well so far.
On the negative side, I had a few run-ins with her which made me extremely upset on a few occasions. This mainly revolved around the abuse my ex - I felt she wasn't taking me seriously enough and this made me feel unsafe. If she didn't understand, what chance did I have with the rest of the world? In retrospect I think she was trying things out, testing me a bit to see if I was ready to let go of my fear, but I just saw a repetition of what happened to me with my mother, who was ambivalent about the issue and who held strong sympathies for my husband in spite of what he had done to me. This along with other experiences had made me extremely sensitive. One therapist (whom I promptly ditched) even suggested the abuse was my husband and my "way of having sex". That pushed me over the edge for a few days.
Anyway, I found my psychiatrist's attempts to talk more deeply to me about my emotions and problems pretty hopeless. I felt she was old-fashioned and while I could just ignore her advice on good days, on my bad days it made me really angry. I wanted her to just do what she seemed to do best: explore my symptoms and how they were developing, keep track of my overall treatment and tweak and manage my medication. This is pretty much what we have settled on, and I have gone from seeing her once a week to once a month. I know her much better now than I did at the beginning and I trust her a lot now as a person and as a doctor (with a very specific brief, as I see it). She got my whole recovery on the road and made sure it consisted of several elements.
Perhaps I am lucky with her but I also think it helped that I did not have to rely on her at all for emotional support - this would have been a disaster.
I would be interested to hear other people's experiences! Have a good weekend.
Rosamunde
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